Page 37 of Black Box

burninbushytail: @crushedeyes What kind of deal?

crushedeyes: @burninbushytail If we ever meet in person, we’ll tell each other our names.

burninbushytail: @crushedeyes How are we going to meet in person if we don’t know each other?

crushedeyes: @burninbushytail We met here tonight and you probably didn’t think that was possible until five minutes ago. Think about it.

burninbushytail: @crushedeyes But how will we recognize each other?

crushedeyes: @burninbushytail Judging by your profile pic, I’m thinking I’ll recognize a girl with a giant bunny head resting on her shoulders.

I glance at his profile pic, which I hadn’t noticed until now, and laugh out loud. It’s a large glass full of crushed ice.

burninbushytail: @crushedeyes I guess I’ll recognize you when

The knock at the door makes me slam my laptop shut. I turn around in my desk chair and shout, ‘Who’s there?’

‘It’s me,’ my mom calls back to me. ‘Can I come in?’

My eyes flit back to my laptop and my heart pounds as I realize I have to delete all those tweets. I yank the suicide letter out from underneath the laptop and crumple it up. Then I stuff it into the bottom of my waste bin before I head for the door. When I open the door, my mom is smiling and her hands are tucked behind her back. But her smile disappears when she sees my face.

‘Have you been crying?’

‘I’m fine. What do you have behind your back?’

‘I brought you something from Aunt Crystal’s house.’ She brings her hands forward, revealing a plate of Aunt Crystal’s homemade chocolate-chip muffins. ‘Want one?’

My stomach gurgles at the sight of the muffins. It’s past six in the evening and I haven’t eaten anything all day. Aunt Crystal always makes these just for me and my mom picks them up on her way home from work. As I reach for a muffin, I think of the mysterious guy who just saved my life on Twitter. Then I look into my mom’s worried eyes and the tears come again.

Once you see the good in someone, it’s hard not to notice the good in everyone.

‘Mom . . . I’m not okay. I need to talk.’

Chapter One

‘Feels Like the End’ by Mikky Ekko

Chapter Two

‘Tomorrow Will Be Kinder’ by The Secret Sisters

‘Take You Higher’ by Goodwill & Hook N Sling

Chapter Three

‘Boston’ by Augustana

Chapter Four

‘I’m In Here’ by Sia

Chapter Six

‘Breathe Me’ by Sia

Chapter Eight

‘Feel It All’ by KT Tunstall

Chapter Twelve

‘Nothin’ On You’ by B.o.B feat. Bruno Mars

Chapter Thirteen

‘Nocturne In E Flat Major’ by Frederic Chopin

Chapter Nineteen

‘Now Is Not The Time’ by Chvrches

Chapter Twenty-Three

‘Us’ by Regina Spektor

Chapter Twenty-Nine

‘Silk’ by Giselle

Chapter Thirty-Two

‘Feeling Good’ by Nina Simone

Chapter Thirty-Three

‘Hold You In My Arms’ by Ray LaMontagne

Chapter Thirty-Four

‘The Beacon’ by A Fine Frenzy

Chapter Thirty-Five

‘Shelter’ by Birdy

‘In A Sentimental Mood’ by Art Tatum

Chapter Thirty-Seven

‘Let It Be Me’ by Ray LaMontagne

Chapter Forty

‘Eye Of Your Storm’ by Kyler England

Chapter Forty-One

‘Can’t Help Falling Love’ by Ingrid Michaelson

Chapter Forty-Two

‘The Way I Am’ by Ingrid Michaelson

Chapter Forty-Three

; ‘Clair De Lune’ by Flight Facilities feat. Christine Hoberg

Chapter Forty-Four

‘Those Eyes’ by Feint

Chapter Forty-Six

‘Tourist’ by Yuna

Chapter Forty-Nine

‘Now My Feet Won’t Touch The Ground’ by Coldplay

Listen to the playlist on YouTube.

Listen to the playlist on Spotify.

Author’s Note

If you or someone you know needs assistance or information about sexual assault or abuse, please contact the Rape and Incest National Network (RAINN) at www.rainn.org or call 1-800-656-HOPE. Or, if you are in the UK, contact the Rape Crisis Centre at www.rapecrisis.org.uk or call 0808 802 9999.

For your local suicide hotline number, please visit www.suicidehotlines.com or www.suicidepreventionlifeline.com. If you or someone you know has contemplated suicide, please call 1-800-273-TALK.

You can also visit www.samaritans.org.

Acknowledgments

I always feel like I’m writing a Grammy acceptance speech when I write the acknowledgments in a book. I guess in a way a book is a bit like a piece of music. And I have so many collaborators to thank this time around.

My beta readers: Jordana Rodriguez, Kristin Shaw, Paula Jackman, Sam Stettner, Sarah Arndt, Cathy Archer, Carrie Raasch, Jodie Stipetich, Jennifer Mirabelli, Haley Douglas, Vilma Gonzalez, and Deborah Meissner. This is a group of people who endure my mood swings, my doubts, my never-ending typos, and my