Page 77 of His First Wife
âWell, what?â I looked at him, sure he was joking. This was Preston Alcottâa changed man. He was here to celebrate my internship, talk about Africa and Chan, and that woman he couldnât save. This was no date. We werenât seeing any other parts of the hotel.
âI mean, sheâs not wholly wrong for that,â he said with his eyes turning from friendly to dreamy. He was looking at me . . . into me . . . through my shirt . . . and he wasnât doing a medical examination with his eyes. The man was flirting. âI donât mean to be forward, but when I saw you today, I just knew how good you wereâthat Iâd missed out. I donât want to miss out again.â He reached across the table and tried to grab my hand, but I retreated quickly.
âPreston,â I said. âIâm a married woman.â I looked around the room to be sure no one had seen him. I felt silly and ridiculous for being there. Marcy was right.
âKerry, donât be shy. I can tell something is going on between us. And that things at home arenât okay. You didnât exactly seem happy to say Jamisonâs name.â
âThatâs none of your business,â I said, getting up.
âThereâs no need to leave,â he said. âIâm just saying, if heâs not doing his job correctly, I volunteer myself.â
âMy marriage is fine,â I said getting up. âAnd youâre still a jerk.â
E-MAIL TRANSMISSION
TO: [email protected]
FROM: [email protected]
DATE: 12/16/07
TIME: 10:27 PM
Apparently, Dottie came by my auntâs house this evening without calling or letting anyone know. I donât have a problem with your mother seeing Tyrian. I have made constant arrangements for everyone to be able to see him, but at this point I want nothing to do with her and it is best that you arrange for her to see your son. As I told you the other day, what she did was unacceptable and YOU need to speak to her about it. As far as Iâm concerned, a huge part of our problem is outside people placing stress on our relationship. And I admit that my mother is no saint, but your mother has been running wild, constantly putting me down and not RESPECTING our relationship since day one and you have done NOTHING to stop it. The only way she couldâve thought hooking you up with Coreen was a good idea and that you wouldnât do anything about it was that you never ever stand up to her about anything she says. That entire situation was crazy. She created unrest in your household and compromised your marriage, even though you were having a child. Who does that? I wanted nothing more than to curse your mother out, but, you know what, thatâs not my job. Itâs yours.
E-MAIL TRANSMISSION
TO: [email protected]
FROM: [email protected]
DATE: 12/16/07
TIME: 10:33 PM
I need you to know that I lied earlier in my e-mail. I am hurting, Jamison, and I do miss you. But I canât be anyoneâs fool and I have to love myself right now. A lot of what you said last month about my not focusing on my career and supporting you was true. And I started doi
ng things to change that. I feel like I am being reborn and finally in love with something I can do. Something huge happened to me today and to be very honest, I did want you to be there. I DIDNâT WANT ANYONE ELSE THERE. But I also know that I canât always have what I want and I canât continue to build myself and my marriage if every time I lay down one brick, your mother is there to tear it down and no one does anything. I have been trying to do my part. You asked me to come home last time. And I did. Look what happened. And I even began to distance myself from my mother. Not because I donât love her, not because I donât want to communicate with her, but because, right now, I need someone by my side who is ONLY going to nurture me and what I am trying to do. My mother is who and what she is. Sheâs been that way for a long time and I know I canât change her. But what I can change is the way I once allowed her to control my life and how much access she has to it. Can you say the same about your mother? If not, what are you willing to do to change it in order to save your marriage?
E-MAIL TRANSMISSION
TO: [email protected]
FROM: [email protected]
DATE: 12/16/07
TIME: 10:43 PM
First, I think it would be best if we spoke in person about this because I donât want anything that I am saying to be taken out of context. But I know thatâs not going to happen right now, so I will respond.
I am very happy that you have found new interests and I really want to know everything thatâs going on with that. I have always known that you can achieve anything you put your mind to. You are a hard worker and a strong woman. My opinion, as you already stated in some ways, was that the only thing holding you back was your mother. Now, I know itâs not cool to talk about someoneâs parentâespecially a mother, but for years I have had to sit back and watch that woman constantly put you down and let you down. The crazy thing to me was always that sometimes the things she did actually worked to get you going, but most times it just left you with hurt feelings that I felt a need to try to repair in some way. Thatâs the real reason I didnât go to med school. I didnât want her to continue to control you and the thought of leaving you alone in Georgia with her there tearing you down made me feel like I needed to take charge. RIGHT now I am very aware of the damage my mother has done in our relationship, but you need to know that your mother has also had an effect on our marriage. Her judgments and how they affect you have caused me to often feel out of place in my own home. So many times I felt like you were perfectly fine with how things were going, but as soon as your mother showed up, youâd change your mind and leave me out there looking like a fool. Sometimes I think the only reason you left your job to come work at Rake It Up was because your mother wanted you to come and make sure the business didnât fold and ruin her name. It was like all of your hard work wasnât because you believed in what I was doing, but because you didnât want to be embarrassed if it didnât work. I am not blaming you for this. I know the way she influences you. But when we got married, I always thought it would stop.
I also know that I have had a problem standing up to my mother. After my dad died we were all each other had and I have always tried my best to make her happy. The two times I did anything that she disagreed with in my entire life were not going to med school and marrying you. You have always known that she blamed you for my not going to med school, but the truth is that Iâm glad I didnât go. You were the reason then, but really, I think that inside, I knew I had a higher calling in my life and it was in Georgia with you. The funny thing is that while those two things caused my mother so much pain, they were the only two things in my life that I was completely sure I wanted to do. And I knew then and I know now that no matter how she feels about it, I am happy I did them. She wonât have a son she can call âdoctor,â but I have a great business that I love and a beautiful wife that I adore. Being with you is what I want and she is going to have to accept that. I really didnât believe that she did what she did, but she admitted it after you left the house on Thanksgiving and weâve since spoken about it on several occasions. For some reason she thought that she could replace you with a woman who was more like her and Iâd be happier. But, as I told her, I didnât want a woman like her because I didnât want to marry my mother. I married you. I told her sheâd have to accept that but I think the damage she did really didnât hit her until she saw the impact it had on my life. After you left this time, Iâve been even more depressed and Iâve even lost some accounts. Sheâs come by to clean and cook for me, but I canât eat anything and when I do, I feel sick to my stomach. My house isnât right without you and Tyrian there and she is seeing that now. I realize that I have to stop going to my mother for advice and letting her know every little thing thatâs going on in our relationship. I canât promise that she will change, but I do know that she has learned her lesson and we are finally speaking about it.
I hope we can speak more about this in person soon.
Jamison